Good Manners

My fellow boomers and I have reached the age when we look at the world and find a lot that we don't like. My daughters will tell you that one example in my own life is that the grammar their generation should have learned in school has been forgotten. Others see an apparent decline in ACT and SAT scores as proof that education generally "isn't what it used to be." Most recently, another of my generation has observed that good manners seem to be a thing of the past. Or at least something is falling through the cracks as one generation trains the next to be civil.

And civility is the point to manners, isn't it? Good manners don't exist in a vacuum, as though somebody once said, "This is how you're supposed to do things, just because." I think it's a little like agreeing (usually implicitly) to all speak a given language in a social situation. Communications would be extremely difficult without that agreement.

No, politeness and good manners are ways we oil our relationships with other people. It shows that we respect them. If we are confronted with someone who exercises bad manners, we are pretty sure they don't respect us. (Sidebar: I refuse to use the new word "disrespect".) In the same way that good grammar (apparently another lost art) is an indicator that you know how to communicate properly, good manners in a young person show that he or she is learning one of the requirements to live in an adult world. Good manners in an adult show that he or she has learned those same requirements. If nothing else, people are more likely to like you if you exhibit good manners than if you don't.

Here are some examples of seemingly forgotten etiquette. My source is the web site www.emilypost.com. Pretty original, yes?

Party Manners 101

Most of these may feel like news to some of my adult friends as well. At any rate, these are my personal favorites (that is, pet peeves).

• Always arrive on time, never early.
• Turn off your blinkety-blank cell phone.
• Unless invited in, keep clear of the kitchen.
• Thank your hosts on the way out.

From ehow.com. All about meeting new people. Note especially the part about eye contact. In our culture, this is very important. In other cultures, not so much. But if you can't look someone in the eye, you come across as evasive.

Finally, a personal pet peeve that arose when receiving "thank you" notes from recent graduates and newly weds.

Write a real thank you. Something more than just the words "thank you". (Yes, we did receive one of those.) Tell the person why you're grateful, what you plan to do with the gift. If you're going to the formality of writing a thank you note, use appropriate titles (Mr., Mrs., Miss).

I think that's enough for now, at least until I have my next encounter where my instinctive response is "How rude!"